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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|